long time no see.
it's been a while since i updated this again, it just seems that i'm not very good at keeping up to date with daily journal type things.
here's what's going on in my life right now:
summer 2008, working & hanging out basically.
fields & i are fantastic, still as of right now unofficial, but hopefully that is very soon to change. we pretty much are together, he just needs to go thru the courtesy of talking to my dad to make it well, officially official, haha. he is basically amazing, i have to say. it's only been about seven months since we started talking & liking each other and whatnot, & in that time, we've grown so close. it hasn't even been rushed or anything, we've had time to take it slow and just talk and get to know each other without it being all about physical affection, which is truly refreshing.. just knowing that he really cares about me for me. he listens, he understands, he's really supportive and encouraging.. i really don't know how i got so lucky. it's funny cuz i never saw any of this coming.. after i broke up with john, i figured i was done with relationships for a while. i was just going to have fun, hang out with my girls, & enjoy the drama-free single life. what's happened with fields kind of just snuck up on me.. but it's truly been a blessing. :] so hopefully real soon i can call him my official boyfriend, hehe. i feel kind of bad b/c i feel like maybe he might be a little pressured to talk to my dad cuz i keep asking if he's done it yet.. i think i'll lay off on that for awhile & just see what happens, hehe. dad already thinks he's my boyfriend anyway, it's really funny :P
other than that, my family & i are going to japan for two weeks, which should be loads of fun :] we're going to pig out & shop like mad :D should be a good time, hopefully there will be some good quality family bonding time, hehe.
school starts in like a month and a half, on september 2nd, which seems like a while from now, but i just know it's going to creep up on me. i feel kind of ready to start school already, but at the same time definitely not.. i like the feeling of not having homework to do or assigned readings to attend to, hehe. it's certainly much more relaxing. i just hope that when the semester does start, i won't have too much reading to do, and i won't get stressed out too much, and i'll still have time to unwind, relax, & hang out. but part of me is looking forward to school starting up again, to just get into that routine and get things accomplished, move forward in my life.
i've been contemplating studying abroad for a semester, and i think this coming spring would be a good time to do that. then when i get back it's another four months of summer vacation.. plus this coming spring, fields is going to be gone for three months anyway, doing a rotation for work thing that's slated to last from like march to may, i think. good time to go off and see the world, yes? i've been trying to look online about information about all that, but i think my best bet would be to go to some of the informational sessions they have during the semester. right now i'm thinking, italy, japan, thailand, or the UK would be really awesome to go to. thing is, after this coming fall 08 semester is over, i'll have already completed my general education requirements, so i'm hoping that i'll be able to take courses that'll work towards whatever degree i'm going to get here. on that note, i've still been saying that i'll probably end up a math major, but i still haven't figured out what i'm going to do with it if i do. computer science is a possible minor/double major as well, but we'll have to see. i need to take the intro course for that sometime. but yeahh, since i always liked math during high school and before, i really hope that that can still be applicable in college. my first choice of linear algebra wasn't the best, but i'm giving college math another chance. we'll see how that goes. i just hope i can figure out a good career i'll be happy with before i graduate. admirable goal, no? hehe.
in other news, i've still obviously been hanging out with the LBC Church group, and they're all still amazing. it makes me think about my faith and religion all the more. i know there are differences, but there are many similarities, too. i'm still just trying to learn about it all. it's the same God, the same Bible (more or less), still His Word, & the same Jesus Christ that died for our sins.. so i don't really understand why there has to be a distinction between all the denominations & branches of Christianity and whatnot. that's something i still have yet to get a grasp on. because every now and then mom keeps bringing up how i might be 'converted' or whatever.. when really i'm just trying to learn. and i think if i decided to become a Baptist it wouldn't be such a bad thing. this week the Virgin Mary statue is at our house, which means we have this booklet to go thru of prayers & praying the rosary.. i asked my mom yesterday after we were done why we did it, b/c some of the stuff in the booklet was outta date.. like there was something in there about "the conversion of Russia" or something, i don't really know. she kind of got defensive and just kept saying we're praying for everybody and so we have to pray it a lot. which is fine & all, i just want to understand the purpose of it.. like i think you can still pray for everyone without repeating standardized prayers.. in my opinion, faith is all in putting meaning behind your prayers. i don't particularly like i guess the whole droning on of standardized prayers, b/c it's so easy to get lost in what you're saying & just routinely say it w/o thinking about what exactly it is you're saying. so.. i dunno. i'm still very confused on all of this, but i hope to learn more about the differences in beliefs and figure out what i want to choose for myself as i go along.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Saturday, January 05, 2008
2008!
i personally think it's pretty insane that it's already 2008.
2007 was a big year for me, i think.
graduation, hitting the big one-eight, starting college, letting go of things that needed to be let go of.
i look back & feel like i've gone thru a lot, i've definitely had my share of drama that most likely could have been avoided. i'm glad that i've grown to be the person i am now, & i'm glad to know that i still have a lot of time ahead of me to fully figure out this person i want to be.
all this winter break i have surrounded myself with good friends, & it has been fantastic.
tonight, i'm going to heather's debut, her fancy smanshy 18th birthday party where i'll unfortunately find myself in the midst of some friends i've lost or drifted from and people i don't really know & would honestly rather not be with.
i've even sort of lost touch with the friends in cali since everything that's happened with john.
i really have not felt inclined to talk to him lately, it's just not fun because i know he still wants more than friendship, or there's something he's trying to find out in asking what's going on in my life. with any other friend, it's an honest enough question, but with him, it's like he's prying, & it's just not cool.
no, i'm most comfortable with my LC girls, specifically kirsten & jessica. samm & ash seem to be the next ones to drift away.. samm more so. *sigh* it happens, i know, but it's still sad nonetheless. i really hope that kirsten & i won't. jessica, too, but kirsten & i are closer. anyway, the four of us (minus samm, who's always working, unfortunately) have been hanging out with the church group all break, so i've been getting to know them & we're all becoming closer friends, too. i love it.
i'm making new friends, but they're not to sit in place of the old ones. they're making new spots of their own in my hearts, & the old spots of the friends who have drifted will always be there, rather sad, but oh well. life goes on.
here's to another year, hoping that all goes well for everyone.
2007 was a big year for me, i think.
graduation, hitting the big one-eight, starting college, letting go of things that needed to be let go of.
i look back & feel like i've gone thru a lot, i've definitely had my share of drama that most likely could have been avoided. i'm glad that i've grown to be the person i am now, & i'm glad to know that i still have a lot of time ahead of me to fully figure out this person i want to be.
all this winter break i have surrounded myself with good friends, & it has been fantastic.
tonight, i'm going to heather's debut, her fancy smanshy 18th birthday party where i'll unfortunately find myself in the midst of some friends i've lost or drifted from and people i don't really know & would honestly rather not be with.
i've even sort of lost touch with the friends in cali since everything that's happened with john.
i really have not felt inclined to talk to him lately, it's just not fun because i know he still wants more than friendship, or there's something he's trying to find out in asking what's going on in my life. with any other friend, it's an honest enough question, but with him, it's like he's prying, & it's just not cool.
no, i'm most comfortable with my LC girls, specifically kirsten & jessica. samm & ash seem to be the next ones to drift away.. samm more so. *sigh* it happens, i know, but it's still sad nonetheless. i really hope that kirsten & i won't. jessica, too, but kirsten & i are closer. anyway, the four of us (minus samm, who's always working, unfortunately) have been hanging out with the church group all break, so i've been getting to know them & we're all becoming closer friends, too. i love it.
i'm making new friends, but they're not to sit in place of the old ones. they're making new spots of their own in my hearts, & the old spots of the friends who have drifted will always be there, rather sad, but oh well. life goes on.
here's to another year, hoping that all goes well for everyone.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
GOAL(S)!
11pm & i'm just about to head to bed to catch some shuteye before i take two of my finals tomorrow. i sure hope i'm prepared enough! my studying kind of diminished as i got to the end & my brain cells decided they were exhausted or something.
anyway, i kept thinking all day & really just for a while now of a bunch of stuff that i want/need to do, so i thought i could put up a list in here :]
wants/goals for winter break:
anyway, i kept thinking all day & really just for a while now of a bunch of stuff that i want/need to do, so i thought i could put up a list in here :]
wants/goals for winter break:
- clean room
- rearrange room
- reorganize my corkboard
- clean bathroom
- paint my school tote bag
- get in some leisurely reading
- establish some sort of exercise routine (DDR!? :P)
- read the whole Bible
- strengthen my faith
- take up piano again
- feel genuinely good about my life & myself :]
yep yep. i feel like there was more than that, but i can't think of anymore right now. anyway, i'm pretty excited still about the semester being over & winter break & potentially more hangout time & all that jazz. also, i am uber excited about my christmas present that i am just so anxious to use alreadyyy. i've got some like, picture ideas in my head, and it makes me feel artistic again, only this time i'm not all emo over some guy who broke up with me, aha. sony cybershot dsc-w80. woo, what a delight x]
night owl much?
My mom's right, staying up this late can't be good for me, haha.
So it's one in the morning, & I find myself actually not all that sleepy, but I have six and a half hours to sleep until I ought to get up & shower & prep myself for church. So even though I'm not particularly sleepy, hopefully my body is tired enough to pass out once I fall into bed. :P
Update on my life's events:
last night (Friday) I participated in an amazingly fun game of floor hockey, without hardly any particular rules. What a blast. xD The people I know are pretty awesome :]
that game has left me sore, but it was well worth it. Exercise AND tons of fun, woo!
I'm wondering if maybe during Christmas break I can get in some sort of established routine with DDR.. that could be beneficial to my health, seeing as I have been for all my life, physically unfit, as far as I can tell. xD
So this upcoming week is going to be pretty busy, but I'm looking forward to it - not so much the taking-final-exams part, but I think I'll be ready for them. (I hope so, anyway). I've been progressively studying through this last week, & I'll be doing some more tomorrow & most likely the next couple days after. Wednesday brings a conclusion to the final exams, as well as the semester. Yay for a successful first college semester! Well, I suppose I should wait to say that once I finish with the exams & get my grades & all. But I feel that thus far my college experience has been.. fruitful? (That sounds like a good word to use but doesn't quite feel right, haha.)
Anyway, what I mean is, it's been fun. Crazy busy, emotionally-driven (not really directly related to school, but hey, it's my life), but pretty fun all the same. My classes weren't atrocious, I've met pretty cool people at work & I do generally enjoy my job, so yeah, all in all, good semester experience in my book. Especially since I haven't gotten into that whole college party/drinking scene. Gotta say, I love being straightedge. & I'm uber glad that my friends are, too, & that I can still see them around & hang out from time to time since we're all still in the county.
Alright, alright.
Sore floor hockey fun,
[oh yeah, side note. part of my first ever floor hockey experience was sliding to the ground thanks to gravity and quite an impact. so this guy josh & i were on opposing teams, so logically, we were going in opposite directions. both of us are after the ball (serving as a hockey puck), running towards each other, hockey sticks out to thwack the ball. so in this process of running, we ram right into each other, and well, he's bigger than i am, & i remember feeling myself ram into his shoulder, and then i think i spun around & steadily lowered myself to the ground, legs flailing. i landed on my butt, legs spread out, facing the opposite direction and feeling quite dazed. i could feel my eyes water and it felt like the wind was knocked out of me, but i was quite amused all the same. my head felt like stuff had been rattled inside, like it was vibrating or something, but really, i was fine, just a little shook up is all. good times. :P]
okay, so again, trying to wrap this up:
sore floor hockey fun,
impending final exams & satisfactory semester completion,
bible study this week,
a plan to camwhore with kirsten on thursday,
followed by shopping with jessica & kirsten's christmas party on friday.
what fun, what funnn. i'm excited for winter break to commence! :]
So it's one in the morning, & I find myself actually not all that sleepy, but I have six and a half hours to sleep until I ought to get up & shower & prep myself for church. So even though I'm not particularly sleepy, hopefully my body is tired enough to pass out once I fall into bed. :P
Update on my life's events:
last night (Friday) I participated in an amazingly fun game of floor hockey, without hardly any particular rules. What a blast. xD The people I know are pretty awesome :]
that game has left me sore, but it was well worth it. Exercise AND tons of fun, woo!
I'm wondering if maybe during Christmas break I can get in some sort of established routine with DDR.. that could be beneficial to my health, seeing as I have been for all my life, physically unfit, as far as I can tell. xD
So this upcoming week is going to be pretty busy, but I'm looking forward to it - not so much the taking-final-exams part, but I think I'll be ready for them. (I hope so, anyway). I've been progressively studying through this last week, & I'll be doing some more tomorrow & most likely the next couple days after. Wednesday brings a conclusion to the final exams, as well as the semester. Yay for a successful first college semester! Well, I suppose I should wait to say that once I finish with the exams & get my grades & all. But I feel that thus far my college experience has been.. fruitful? (That sounds like a good word to use but doesn't quite feel right, haha.)
Anyway, what I mean is, it's been fun. Crazy busy, emotionally-driven (not really directly related to school, but hey, it's my life), but pretty fun all the same. My classes weren't atrocious, I've met pretty cool people at work & I do generally enjoy my job, so yeah, all in all, good semester experience in my book. Especially since I haven't gotten into that whole college party/drinking scene. Gotta say, I love being straightedge. & I'm uber glad that my friends are, too, & that I can still see them around & hang out from time to time since we're all still in the county.
Alright, alright.
Sore floor hockey fun,
[oh yeah, side note. part of my first ever floor hockey experience was sliding to the ground thanks to gravity and quite an impact. so this guy josh & i were on opposing teams, so logically, we were going in opposite directions. both of us are after the ball (serving as a hockey puck), running towards each other, hockey sticks out to thwack the ball. so in this process of running, we ram right into each other, and well, he's bigger than i am, & i remember feeling myself ram into his shoulder, and then i think i spun around & steadily lowered myself to the ground, legs flailing. i landed on my butt, legs spread out, facing the opposite direction and feeling quite dazed. i could feel my eyes water and it felt like the wind was knocked out of me, but i was quite amused all the same. my head felt like stuff had been rattled inside, like it was vibrating or something, but really, i was fine, just a little shook up is all. good times. :P]
okay, so again, trying to wrap this up:
sore floor hockey fun,
impending final exams & satisfactory semester completion,
bible study this week,
a plan to camwhore with kirsten on thursday,
followed by shopping with jessica & kirsten's christmas party on friday.
what fun, what funnn. i'm excited for winter break to commence! :]
Saturday, December 01, 2007
change
we live and we learn
to take one step at a time,
there's no need to rush.
it's like learning to fly,
or falling in love.
it's gonna happen when it's supposed to happen
that we find the reasons whyone step at a time.- "One Step at a Time" by Jordin Sparks
Routine is nice, it's stable.
but I think I'm ready for a change.
Even in just little things:
new hairstyle,
new room arrangement,
I've been planning those two for a while but haven't gotten around to it yet.
Sometimes my life feels really boring, but I know I'm really lucky to have it.
All of the people and things that I know and love make my life pretty wonderful.
I don't know if you can call it selfish, but I think I'm still waiting for something more.
I'm waiting for that something amazing, some life-defining.. thing that'll just make whatever crap I've been through in the past feel worthwhile to get at that meaningful point in my life.
I want to find my happily ever after, figure out what exactly I'm going to do with my life, and be satisfied with it.
I think it'd be really cool to be famous, perform or something, buuut.. I think I sort of lack in that talent department. Yeah, there's definitely downs to being famous, lack of privacy, rumors, crazed fans, but I dunno.. definitely seems like an amazing experience so long as you keep your head on right and don't get into all that bad stuff.
Anyway, it seems God has something smaller planned for me, I just don't know what yet. I'm eager to find out, though. Until I do, I'll just keep trying my best in school, and try to improve myself however I see fit.
So yup, right now, I've got some studying to do. I have this last upcoming week of normal classes left, and then the Monday thru Wednesday after that are final exams (wish me luck! :]). I think residences officially close for winter break on the 14th, so I'll probably still be working til then. I've been asked if I want to work some days over break, and sure, it'd be cool to have some extra money, but I do like my sleep-and-lounging-about-doing-nothing-in-particular time, so we'll see about that. :P
Even in just little things:
new hairstyle,
new room arrangement,
I've been planning those two for a while but haven't gotten around to it yet.
Sometimes my life feels really boring, but I know I'm really lucky to have it.
All of the people and things that I know and love make my life pretty wonderful.
I don't know if you can call it selfish, but I think I'm still waiting for something more.
I'm waiting for that something amazing, some life-defining.. thing that'll just make whatever crap I've been through in the past feel worthwhile to get at that meaningful point in my life.
I want to find my happily ever after, figure out what exactly I'm going to do with my life, and be satisfied with it.
I think it'd be really cool to be famous, perform or something, buuut.. I think I sort of lack in that talent department. Yeah, there's definitely downs to being famous, lack of privacy, rumors, crazed fans, but I dunno.. definitely seems like an amazing experience so long as you keep your head on right and don't get into all that bad stuff.
Anyway, it seems God has something smaller planned for me, I just don't know what yet. I'm eager to find out, though. Until I do, I'll just keep trying my best in school, and try to improve myself however I see fit.
So yup, right now, I've got some studying to do. I have this last upcoming week of normal classes left, and then the Monday thru Wednesday after that are final exams (wish me luck! :]). I think residences officially close for winter break on the 14th, so I'll probably still be working til then. I've been asked if I want to work some days over break, and sure, it'd be cool to have some extra money, but I do like my sleep-and-lounging-about-doing-nothing-in-particular time, so we'll see about that. :P
intro?
so i made this blogger thing last night, & i'm not 100% sure on what compelled me to do so.
honestly, i was bored, watching jonas brothers videos on youtube, & eventually ended up on their bassist greg garbo's blog, & iono, it just looked really fun :]
i mean i've had journals and xanga before, but i look back, & all that really was was teen angst. sure, there's still quite a bit of it around, but i'm trying to grow up. i'll always be a kid at heart (life's a bit more fun that way) but i think i can still be a kid while being a sensible person as well. ..not really sure if that's the right word to use, but i have the idea in my head of what i mean.
i'm starting this blog for myself.
no doubt i'll probably share this with my friends and whatnot eventually, but for now, i think i'll keep it to myself.
i want to set myself on a start to being more optimistic, learning to really appreciate my life & all i've been blessed with, and just.. iono, enjoying what i've got.
i'm a normal kid, nothing all too special (then again, we're all special in our own ways, right? i think i learned that from Barney the purple dinosaur as a youngen :P).
i'd love to be able to just naturally come up with something witty or profound to stick in here for the amusement of others as well as myself, to get some attention (hey, i'm human, hah) but yeah. i dunno. my objective right now is to strengthen my faith and appreciate what i've got.
time to get started :]
honestly, i was bored, watching jonas brothers videos on youtube, & eventually ended up on their bassist greg garbo's blog, & iono, it just looked really fun :]
i mean i've had journals and xanga before, but i look back, & all that really was was teen angst. sure, there's still quite a bit of it around, but i'm trying to grow up. i'll always be a kid at heart (life's a bit more fun that way) but i think i can still be a kid while being a sensible person as well. ..not really sure if that's the right word to use, but i have the idea in my head of what i mean.
i'm starting this blog for myself.
no doubt i'll probably share this with my friends and whatnot eventually, but for now, i think i'll keep it to myself.
i want to set myself on a start to being more optimistic, learning to really appreciate my life & all i've been blessed with, and just.. iono, enjoying what i've got.
i'm a normal kid, nothing all too special (then again, we're all special in our own ways, right? i think i learned that from Barney the purple dinosaur as a youngen :P).
i'd love to be able to just naturally come up with something witty or profound to stick in here for the amusement of others as well as myself, to get some attention (hey, i'm human, hah) but yeah. i dunno. my objective right now is to strengthen my faith and appreciate what i've got.
time to get started :]
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