When I made up my mind, and my heart along with that, to live not for myself, but yet for God, somebody said, "Do you know what you are getting yourself into?"
When I finally ironed out all of my priorities, and asked God to remove the doubt that makes me so unsure of these things I ask myself, I ask myself, "Do you know what you are getting yourself into?"
"I'm getting into You because you got to me in a way words can't describe."
"I'm getting into you because I've got to be your essential to survive - I'm gonna love you with my life."
When He looked at me and said, "I kind of view you as a son," and for one second our eyes met, and I met that with a question: "Do you know what you are getting yourself into?"
"I'm getting into You because you got to me in a way words can't describe."
"I'm getting into you because I've got to be your essential to survive - I'm gonna love you with my life."
I've been a liar, and I'll never amount to the kind of person You deserve to worship You. You say You will not dwell on what I did, but what I do; You say, "I love you, and that's what you are getting yourself into."
"I'm getting into You because you got to me in a way words can't describe."
"I'm getting into you because I've got to be your essential to survive - I'm gonna love you with my life."
You said, "I love you, and that's what you are getting yourself into."
- "Getting into You" by Relient K
That's what I want. I want to "get into" the Lord, but I don't exactly know how. I know that I believe in Him, I believe in Our Lord Jesus Christ, that He is the only way to salvation, that He died on that cross so that we might be forgiven for our sins and have eternal salvation. My head gets all that, and yet I still don't feel like my heart has fully accepted it.
I know that God should be first and foremost in my life, and yet, I'm still so attached to all of the material stuff. I'm self-centered. I need to humble myself before the Lord, and yet I don't. I have been blessed with so, so much in my life, and I still take it for granted. I'm very attached to my life here on earth.
What is it going to take to make me let that go and accept the Lord fully into my heart?
I've been reading the Left Behind books, and it amazes me - the passion and faith that the characters have developed in a matter of weeks. Granted, they were all deeply affected by the Rapture taking away many of their loved ones to the point that they finally came to the realization that only the Lord could have done something so great.. but I really don't want that to be what it takes to convince me. I mean, I am convinced that there is a Lord. I guess I mean that I don't want something that huge, that monumental that it would be ludicrous not to believe in the Lord to get me to accept Him into my heart. I want to be able to do that on my own.
Maybe that's the problem. I'm still trying to do things myself. I know that I need the Lord, but I'm still so self-righteous that I'm not accepting His help in reaching Him or something. It's so confusing. I have so many people around me that encourage me and can influence me, but I still feel like this is something I need to do on my own.. well, I guess just me and the Lord. It only makes it harder that it feels like I almost lead a double life, at least regarding religion. With my family, I practice Catholicism. I've grown up with it my whole life, but no one ever laid out our beliefs and actually explained to me why we believe that, pointed to scripture as a reference and all that. So i participate in all these practices, but I don't necessarily understand them. Then I have all my friends that go to Leonardtown Baptist, and I admire their passion and enthusiasm and understanding of their faith so much.. Because of those things, often I find myself leaning towards wanting to believe what they believe, because they can explain why they do.
Even so, I still sort of shy away from being absolutely committal to both. I know that to figure out my own faith I need to consider everything and make my own decision. I can't be biased and, in a way, give in to "peer pressure" and choose just because it's what my family or my friends believe. I need to make the decision. Nobody else can make it for me. Nobody else can make me accept the Lord into my heart.
I need to do this, somehow, someday, hopefully sooner rather than later. It's something only I can do for myself, and yet something in me feels the need to share this, rather than keep it inside. It's been an ongoing internal conflict for a pretty good while now. I always feel nervous and anxious talking to people about religion, simply because I haven't figured it out for myself yet, and that scares me. I really, really want to though. Maybe all I need right now are some encouraging words. Maybe I'm hoping the Lord will speak through one of you and tell me what I need to hear to help me on my journey. Maybe I just needed to let this all out whether or not I get a response - to lay all my thoughts out in a way that leads me to the realization of just what I need to do.
No one told me the right way, the right way to go about this, so I'll figure it out for myself. 'Cuz how much is too much to give you? Well, I may never know, so I'll just give until there's nothing else.
Yeah, I'll give give give - until there's nothing else
Give my all - until it all runs out
Give, give - and I'll have no regrets
I'll give until there's nothing left.
Sometimes it seems like all I ever do is ask for things until I ask too much of You. But that's not the way I wanna live; I need to change.. but something's got to give. Yeah, something's got to
Give give give - until there's nothing else
Give my all - until it all runs out
Give, give - and I'll have no regrets
I'll give until there's nothing left.
- "Give Until There's Nothing Left" by Relient K
